No Rock And Roll Fun

WE'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND BRITAIN: And one of the reasons is the continuing obsession with people who Rod Stewart has had sex with. God, nobody's that interested in Rod Stewart, so why do we still produce enough newsprint about people who've had to flush his doubtless-Scotland-football-shirt-wearing spermatozoa out of their crevices?

Today, for example, The Mirror finds room to report on Rachel Hunter, who's just dumped Puddle of Mudd's Wes Scantlin. Or rather, not just, it took a couple of months for the Mirror's crack 3am team to pick up the story - maybe it explains the recent Scantlin onstage over-pissed fall apart - if we'd managed to shake off one of Rod's exes, we'd probably go on a two month bender, too.

Meanwhile, Rachel and Penny Lancaster are banging on about who has real tits in The Sun; Penny is judged to be a double loser having lost the Ultimo modelling contract to Rachel and still being married to Rod. Neither of the little twitters seem to have realised that they've both been used by Ultimo, who figured that swapping the former Mrs Stewart for the current Mrs Stewart would result in a public bitch-fight and acres and acres of publicity for them.