No Rock And Roll Fun

PRESUMABLY SHE WOULD ALSO BE SPANKED WITH A SLIPPER: We knew there was something cartoony about Ashlee Simpson, but it turns out we might not have grasped the full horror - it seems she's a character from the Beano or something. Young Ashlee - who's trying gamely to pretend her existence on earth is something more worthwhile than providing a spare kidney for Jessica "just in case" - claims that she was so annoyed when her mum refused to let her go to an Alanis Morrissette gig she swore, leading to her mum washing her mouth out with soap and water.

To be honest, Ma Simpson, if your daughter wanted to go to see Alanis, you might have been better off using the soap and water on her ears.