OH, MOTHER: Charlotte Church's mum has lashed out at you, and, yes, me, in our role as members of the public. It seems members of the public are often rude to Ms Church, much to Maria Church's disgust. "Name calling" she informs us "is the lowest of the low." Which we can only take to mean that, during those long, burning rows over Charlotte dating Steve Johnson, she never resorted to calling him names. Of course.