No Rock And Roll Fun

PISS COCK PARTRIDGE: Poor Will Young, who not only had his moped stolen, but when it came back it had rude daubings all over it. To make matters worse, a snickering friend told the press all about it:

"It's a really horrible thing to happen, especially as it was brand new. It was battered to bits and had unsavoury graffiti all over it.
The arsehole who did it either didn't like Will or they didn't like his moped. It's like the Alan Partridge episode when his car is covered in graffiti."

With friends like that, of course, quick to point out the similarities between you and hapless has-beens, you'd probably be best off starting to cultivate new mates down the BP Garage.