No Rock And Roll Fun

MAKES HALF A MILL FOR A DATE WITH GERI SEEM CHEAP: We're looking forward to the forthcoming BBC Two look at Kabbalah, as it seems set to underline just how astonishing the whole set-up of Madonna's new belief system is. A BBC guy paid £1,500 to have a dinner with Madonna and camera-pointy-husband Guy, during the course of which they decided to clean up Chernobyl by doing a spot of chanting:

"...chanting that culminated in everyone turning to the east, pushing the air with their hands, and crying out 'Cher-er-er-er-nobyl' at the top of their voices. They thought they were curing Chernobyl of radiation, using the power of Kabbalah to drive away the evil."

It might sound crazy, but it's not unprecedented. Two years ago, a group of British cinema managers gathered at a secret location in Knightsbridge and chanted "Swep..taway.. swep... taway" over and over. The lord heard their chanting, and the evil of Swept Away was banished from their cinemas' schedules.