No Rock And Roll Fun

PIE-CHART BAND DEEMED 'PERFECT FIT' FOR MASS-CONSUMPTION MUSICAL EVENT: Maroon 5, the first band ever to be constructed entirely from a Powerpoint presentation, have been invited to open this year's Grammy Awards ceremony.

"We ran some figures through an Excel spreadsheet," explained a Grammys spokesperson, "and this band scored highly on both demographics and innoffensiveness; plus a load of people can't tell them apart from a lot of other, more expensive bands. And their people did a flipchart presentation which suggested that they're so indistinctive, even people who hate them won't realise who it is they're watching until the back-announcement, so they're absolutely the perfect Grammy act."