BLACK SABBATH? MORE LIKE HAPPY MONDAY

Having worked the poor old donkey to the point of death, MTV are ensuring that The Osbournes isn't allowed to fade out gracefully, but will be beaten until the corpse no longer twitches by scheduling every episode from series four back-to-back on April 17th. That's the day of the last episode, and MTV are calling it Black Sabbath - geddit?

Sharon, official shill of WalMart's UK division, said in her stupid Minnie-Mouse-with-a-tracheotomy voice:

”After three years, the MTV cameras became part of the family, documenting what is possibly the most dramatic year we have had. Though it was rough sometimes, we are truly blessed to have had this amazing experience.”

Truly blessed? Amazing experience? Does Sharon actually know what words mean?

Now, we know you might be worried that on April 17th you might be bored, and accidently capture what has been one woman's longest audition tape on MTV. That's why, as a service to you, we're suggesting the following things to do that day to avoid the TV at all costs:

Attend the Junior volleyball cup final play offs at Loughborough University

Catch the announcement of the winners of the soil association's Organic Industry Awards

Vote in the Turkish Cypriot elections

Enjoy the UK's National Day of the Dead - because if you're going to spend your day thinking about rotting corpses, they should at least be those of your own and not Sharon Osbourne's.

tv sharon osbourne mtv