BRITNEY SUGGESTS JACKO NEEDS A BEARD

We're sure that when Michael Jackson heard that Britney Spears was offering him advice, he didn't exactly rush to find out what it was - after all, if he followed her patented behaviours, he'd probably have not only been done for touching kids, but desperately trying to annull weddings to them as well, but for what it's worth, here's what Brit had to say:

"If he did do those things, I feel sorry for him. I feel like he probably feels alone, and he needs some help," she tells Allure magazine.

"He needs someone to be like, 'OK, let's buck you up, let's give you a moustache, let's rough you up, let's go to a bar, let's get drunk and be a man.'

"And if he didn't do those things, I feel sorry for him. Either way, he needs to get in a fight."

Actually... getting drunk and becoming a man... isn't that exactly what Jacko's accused of trying to get Gavin to do?

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