EVIL CORPORATION ATTEMPTS TO CONTAMINATE INTERNET

Belatedly realising the danger the internet presents to its radio interests - basically, it can't just buy up all the internet stations and force people to listen to it like it can with an FM market - Clear Channel has decided its time to do something. That something is offering a series of special concerts through its local station websites in the US, and ensuring - at the very least - all stations in the 25 main US radio markets (or "big cities" as they used to be known) will be streaming by May 1st. Imagine that, eh? Radio stations you can listen to online. Whatever next, eh? It's like the day McDonalds discovered pedometers.

The sudden appearance of 300 Clear Channel stations will actually provide a chance for people across America - and around the world - to finally prove just how homogenised CC's American radio actually is; the special sessions will offer an opportunity to ensure your hard drive's spindown function is working properly: names being lined up include Rob Thomas, John Legend, Arise Gaffney, Gavin DeGraw and Jesse McCartney. Well, at least they won't have to explain to their shareholders why they're getting large numbers of people sucking down bandwidth beyond the US borders - we can't see anyone outside of John Legend's boxer shorts being interested in John Legend playing on the internet.

Tim Berners-Lee was unavailable for comment, although journalists believe that they could hear the sound of sobbing and someone muttering "I'm so very sorry" over and over again from inside his house.

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