IT'S ALL ABOUT HEALTHY EATING. APPARENTLY.

Desperate not to be thought of as a shit role model for women who live real lives, Victoria Beckham has issued a statement claiming that she hasn't been "on a mad diet" to get her dangerously and unattractive stick profile back after the new baby had escaped from her cramped womb:

"She hasn't been on a mad diet. She has been working really hard in the gym and feels great.

"The aim of any new mum is to fit into a pair of pre-pregnancy jeans and Victoria is delighted to do that. But she is keen for other young mums to know she has not been on a crazy diet. It's about healthy eating."

Actually, the aim of most new mums is to try and get a bit of sleep and to spend time with their kid; perhaps avoiding the odd bit of sick and poo if they can. And probably not dragging off down the gym. And, we suspect, Victoria is more obsessed with trying to fit into preteen jeans rather than prepregnancy jeans. We're sure she'll be issuing a full factsheet detailing exactly what the magic "healthy eating" is that has returned her so quickly to the pre-pregnancy shape.

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