THAT'S TELLING THEM

Striding up to battle, wearing either a skimpy bikini or one of those metal breast plate things, comes Britney Spears, with a letter to, um, the False Tabloids: (We suspect this might be a reference to those papers which have gone tabloid but pretend they're actually 'compacts'):

"Dear False Tabloids,

As you read this letter, I bet you are asking yourself: Who? Who, me? Am I a false tabloid? Well, I don't know. But after this posting, I hope you are asking yourself a lot of questions. Your employees are a reflection of your magazine. Do you, Us Weekly, In Touch, Star and other desperate magazines want employees who are honest, or those who are liars? It seems to me that you'd prefer the latter. I'm really concerned about the people you hire to work at your companies. I'd like them to ask themselves the question, 'What am I lying to myself about?' Is it that you are 50 pounds overweight? Is it that your children aren't making wise decisions? Or is it maybe that your husband or boyfriend is cheating on you? Until you face what is going on in your life, I guess you'll remain a false tabloid."

There's something interesting here - Brittney seems to suggest the motivation the tabs have for making stuff up is that, erm, they're fat, with straying husbands and kids who have quit college for a life of daytime soaps and smack. We're not sure how a newspaper is corporately overweight (although trying to poke a Sunday Times through a cottage letterbox gives us a hint), but we suspect this might be more revealing about what's important in Britney's life than the make-up of the magazines she's complaining about.

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