OH, THE POOR SLAVE CHILD

Curious, isn't it? Chris Martin claims to be really worried about the millions living in poverty, inching by on less than a dollar a day, if they're lucky. And yet he still whines about the "slavery" of having to kow-tow to EMI and its shareholders:

"I think shareholders are the great evil of this modern world," Martin told Reuters before a concert at Manhattan's Beacon Theatre. But however uncomfortable Martin is with what he called "the slavery that we are all under to shareholders," the reception to Coldplay's third studio album will be closely watched by EMI shareholders.

Aw, bless - poor Chris is enslaved by having to bang out a couple of tunes for the corporate behemoth. And all that cheque-cashing that springs from that. It's funny, you know, but compared to being a cockle-picker in Morecambe Bay or a sex worker being bounced around Europe, the slavery doesn't actually sound that bad:

"It's very strange for us that we spent 18 months in the studio just trying to make songs that make us feel a certain way and then suddenly become part of this corporate machine," Martin said backstage.

Of course, it's easy for us to take the piss out of Chris, but let's not forget that he really is in a position of slavery - it's not like he can just walk away and not make any more records for EMI, not while the company holds his family hostage. Not while he has no money of his own, nowhere to go if he leaves the company. Not while EMI would beat him if he doesn't work hard enough, and might well beat him anyway.

music coldplay chris martin