SOUNDS LIKE THERE'S STILL SOME WORK NEEDED

There had been plans to launch the new Madonna tour film at Cannes this year, but it's not shown up. Festival head Thierry Fremaux tries to put a positive gloss on this absence, suggesting it was all about quality:

"Madonna takes the cinema world seriously, she doesn't treat it in a superficial way. [Clearly never saw Swept Away. Or Who's That Girl. Or Shanghai Surprise]" I saw three hours of film from the documentary in the form of rushes and some completed footage, but it wasn't ready."

We're taking that as an indication that the movie team are really struggling. They keep trying to fashion a silk purse, but constantly they find themselves doing this:



More bemusingly, apparently Fremaux asked Madonna to be on the Cannes jury. She said no because she was way too busy what with having to keep going down to her cult's headquarters; which is just as well. Can you imagine sweating for ages to make a movie, calling on all your wits and talents, only to discover its fate in the palme d'or was hanging on the say-so of someone who managed to be the worst thing in a Guy Ritchie movie.

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