AND NOW ON BBC TWO... WHERE THE HELL HAS BBC TWO GONE?

Mark Radcliffe hasn't, we think, been the main anchor for Glastonbury coverage since it moved from Channel 4, but he's hosting BBC TWO's coverage this year (quick, draft in a credible, older, north western late night dj man...); only trouble is, the BBC TWO studio has been wrecked by the weather.

BBC THREE has managed to survive the deluge - unfortunately, with Colin Murray intact, and at this moment they're carrying the first pictures of people rolling about covered head-to-toe in mud. They do realise there's cow poo in that, don't they? Edith Bowman - and here we pause to wave at everyone googling for Edith Bowman's tits - looks like a woman who could just about take the mud, if she didn't have to bear Colin's weight too. Isn't it about time she suggested to Radio One they uncouple the pair of them, and perhaps let Colin go and find work in forestry or something?

It's interesting, though, that both channels are really light on guests this evening. Nobody, we suppose, wants to hang about backstage more than they have to. Oh, hang on - KT Tunstall's doing an exclusive bit for BBC TWO. That might also be scaring people off...

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