NAILS AND WAILS

Oh, what price vanity? Paula Abdul popped into a nail salon in Studio City, California to have her hands made all pretty, and - according to what she's telling the California Senate Business and Professions Committee - they used dirty needles giving her a year of fungus hands. Which we picture as being a cross between Fungus the Bogeyman and Edward Scissorhands, but isn't quite as cute, it turns out:

"What I saw fly out of my thumb was a green-and-yellow, thick substance that smelled foul. And then blood, blood, blood," Abdul said. "Being a professional dancer, I'm no stranger to pain, but this time the pain was so excruciating that even my hair touching my thumb caused me to scream."

Blimey. Lucky she didn't go back doors for a waxing. Abdul was appearing in front of the committee to try and persuade them to pass a bill which might force Californian nail places to put a broom round from time to time.

music paula abdul