BONO, HERE'S YOUR TROOSERS

Great news for the Greatest Living Humanitarian Bono, who's won the Dublin court battle to win back his trousers from former stylist Lola Cashman. Bono - who needed the trousers because otherwise he'd have nothing to wear when his main pair were in the wash - was not in court to hear the judge, surprisingly, side with the Establishment figure and Wall Street investor over Ms Cashman. And - we're not making this bit up, unfortunately - he refused to believe Cashman because he felt her story lacked credibility:

Judge Deery said he found Ms Cashman's version of how she had been given the items doubtful, particularly her description of Bono running around in his underpants backstage.

"It seems to me that Ms Cashman's version of events, the giving of the hat, is unlikely to have occurred," he said.

Yes, whoever heard of a person getting undressed backstage at an event? Most unlikely. We wonder if Judge Deery wears his robes all the way home.

The other great thing about the judge's verdict is that he can't believe that Bono and the band would have been bothering to bring the matter to court unless they were telling the truth:

"It would seem odd if the group were to make a provision to pursue a claim of this nature if the subject was not of importance to the band," he said.

Which we're sure should be adopted as a precedent across Europe, surely?

music lola cashman u2 bono