IT'S A PITY PETER KAY WAS BUSY ELSEWHERE

Following a collapsing barrier at the front of their homecoming show in Manchester last night, Oasis were left to fill for twenty-five minutes. Anyone who thinks that the band are little more than neanderthal grunts will be surprised to hear how they rose to the occasion - Noel offered a brief lecture on the contradictions inherrent in Tom Paine's work and life, while Liam took the opportunity to show off his skills with origami.

Okay, what really happened was Noel got the crowd to chant "who the fuck are Man United" and Liam... well:

Liam eventually butted in and shouted: “Let’s just get somebody in the crowd to get their tits out,” and for the next 10 minutes, constant cheers could be heard ringing around the ground as several girls beared their breasts on camera for the first time since Oasis’s ‘Standing On The Shoulder of Giants tour back in 2000.

Three liberal school districts in America have now announced they no longer plan to block the teaching of creationism in their classes, as having heard this they're not quite sure that the idea of evolution works any more.

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