Tuesday, July 19, 2005

JUDGE INVOKES OSBOURNE IN TRIAL

First of all, the case details: this scumhamper called Paul Bryan Push came home drunk one night, and killed his family's pet parrot. He turned up for sentencing yesterday - drunk again, oddly enough - and when he was sober enough was banged up for five and a half months; sadly, they're not going to cover him with millet and make him share a cage with a dozen hungry parrots. What brings this to our attention, though, is the judge invoking Ozzy Osbourne while sentencing:

District judge Shamim Qureshi called Pugh the "Ozzy Osbourne of Wolverhampton", referring to when the rocker bit the head off a bat on stage.

Ordering him to serve four months for causing unnecessary suffering to the bird and a further six weeks of a previous sentence from which he was released on licence, the judge said: "The parrot had no chance of fleeing. You proceeded to kill the bird in front of your wife and child and it was a disgusting incident for anyone to have to witness. This has all the hallmarks of pop stars on stage. You are what might be described as the Ozzy Osbourne of Wolverhampton for the way you have treated this bird."


... which is, of course, a little unfair to Ozzy Osbourne - sure, he did once bite the head off a bat on stage, but he didn't actually know it was a bat; he'd thought it was a rubber one. Other than that, we can't really think of any other pop stars who might have killed birds on stage - we're betting without Norwegian death metallers here, of course - and it seems to be a bit harsh of Judge Qureshi to suggest that it's a "hallmark" of popstars on stage to do so. Having said which, we haven't seen all the footage of McFly at the Party in the Park from last weekend, so maybe we should hold fire.


3 comments:

M.C. Glammer said...

Not birds but there was the butterflies the Stones released in Hyde Park coming to a sticky end.

iiii said...

but he did bite the head off a dove in a record company meeting once apparently

Darren H said...

Isn't Ozzy Osbourne the Ozzy Osbourne of Wolverhampton? I mean, that's where he's from isn't it?

(Oh God - I'm going to bring down some righteous Black Country/Brummie ire on my head here, I just know it.)

(But I'm from Coventry, so up yours - ha!)

Post a Comment

As a general rule, posts will only be deleted if they reek of spam.