IT'S A MIGHTY LONG WAY DOWN ROCK AND ROLL FROM KURT COBAIN TO ALAN PARTRIDGE

If the News of the World is to be believed, not only is Courtney Love in rehab, about to head back to jail and looking at dropping the threads of her life all over, but she's up the duff with Steve Coogan's kid. Courtney, of course, isn't doing interviews, but the paper has helpfully found "a pal" willing to provide background detail:

Courtney told her friend: "It was literally non-stop sex. Steve is a fucking sex addict [is there a non-fucking kind of sex?] and has a major substance problem. He even asked me to get ten Viagra pills for him so that he could keep going, despite the fact he was past the point of exhaustion. When I was with Steve, I did things that I shouldn't have done. I passed the line of what even I think is normal."

... too much background information:

"She told him she was too old for that. But Courtney told me, ‘That's his thing. 'He got a whole load of paraphernalia from the Hustler store up the road from their hotel. She also told me Steve talked her into doing something unsafe and said, ‘If he's given me anything, I swear to God, I'm going to cut his dick off!'"

We're not sure if she was including a bonny bouncing baby in that, but by the sounds of it, it might be a good idea to chop it off anyway.

What's really worrying Courtney, of course, is that Steve's not very rock and roll (despite, or perhaps because of, having played Tony Wilson in 24 Hour Party People:

"Tell me honestly...what does it make me look like that I slept with Alan Partridge? Given the grade A stars I've dated it's embarrassing. I mean...Alan Partridge!"

Come off it, love - you dated Billy Corgan; it's hardly like you're a by-word for taste in men.

music courtney love steve coogan