Friday, August 26, 2005


If there's one thing we really hate about awards, it's the way that people who are rich enough to buy most of the real estate between here and Croydon now seem to expect to be given prizes simply for turning up. If we were in charge of the MTV awards, for example, we might tell people to fuck off if they said "and what gifts do we get for coming out to boost our celebrity profiles?"

Or we might give them a party bag with some crayons, a piece of cake and maybe a book in. But, oh no, that wouldn't do; so, in a world where people are starving, the attendees are getting a USD26,000 gift bag. Here's what they're taking:

A gap weekeneder bag
Paul Frank moonman watch
iPod shuffle
24 karat Shu Uemura eyelash curler
A Puff Daddy tshirt
A bathing costume like paris hilton's
Frederick's of Hollywood bustier
Nikki Beach platinum card
vacations at the Inn at Palmetto Bluff and Palms in the Turks and Caicos
StriVectin anti-stretch cream
Hylexin eye cream
Gap jeans
various tshirts
Taryn rose ballet flats or sneakers
Missoni sunglasses
sorry, this is starting to read like one of those passages in American Psycho
Dooney & Bourke duffle bag
Bose noise cancelling headphones
A years supply of nestle chocolate (which, for most of the annorexicoid types attending, would be two aeros and a haf-pack of Munchies)
Some sort of sports club membership
And a life coach session

Still, on the bright side, there is a possibility that hurricane Katrina will sweep them all and all their swag far, far out to sea.

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