SO, YOUTH CULTURE COMES TO THIS...

We're not sure the "chavs" that the Guardian report have been encouraged to relocate their street turf war from Peterborough town centre to a outdoor activity centre really are chavs - they sound more like townies to us. But we know sure as hell that the supposed Goths the local council are taking out there aren't goths at all - what self-respecting goth would run around in the woods with a plastic ball gun?

The council's idea is that the teenagers can run around and burn off that excess energy in the forest instead of Cathedral Square. But...

Mr Mayes admits there is one small problem: most of the goths were so laid-back they couldn't get up in time for the war games. Six cried off yesterday morning. "We've got more chavs than we have goths because they couldn't get out of bed," he said. "They've probably been smoking too much pot."

Either that, or they're afraid running about in the hot weather will play merry hell with their make-up.

music peterborough goth