DOCTORING THE BEATS

Are we still in that part of the year? Up from nowhere pops a psychologist, Dr Thomas Chamorro-Premuzic waving what he claims is the forumla for the perfect pop song. Which is going to be a bugger for Rat Scabbies; we bet he was planning on having a scoot for that once he'd found the holy grail.

The formula is:

P + Pos + T + BPM + I = S (where P = Pitch, Pos = the % of positive lyrics, T=Tonality, BPM = Beats per Minute, I = Images/Memories associated with the music, S = Serotonin level)

On this scale, Wake Up Boo by the Boo Radleys comes out as the best pop song ever - which is interesting, as Martin Carr has described that as the most calculated song he's ever written, so perhaps he'd already worked out the formula. Or maybe he hadn't, as any fool knows that It's Lulu is a better pop song than Wake Up Boo - maybe the good doctor needs to add a (+ 500 x M_sh) to his formula, where M_sh is number of mentions of Smash Hits per verse. That'll balance it.

But Chamorro-Premuzic: we're not having our legs pulled, are we?

music boo radleys