I KNOW IMPORTANT PEOPLE, REEVES

Discovering the best you can hope for is third judge on a seventh-generation clone of American Idol must be the moment where your career dances in front of your eyes, but to give Anastacia her due, she's not going to the 'Where are they now' columns without putting up one hell of a fight. Albeit by namedropping: She knows Elton John, you know, and is desperate to get into the wedding photos in Hello! Or OK. She doesn't care, dammit, just give her some exposure:

"I wanna be his frickin' orchid-throwing flower bitch!

"I'd hold his train. I'd hold both their trains because you know those bitches will be wearing trains.

"I would make a fool of myself for El, he's such a lovely, lovely man and I'm so grateful to know him."

She knows Elton John, you know. Did she mention that? We're not sure why she thinks that gay men would get married in dresses with long trains, but she knows Elton John well enough - did you know that? - to know that he's gay rather than a transvestite. She knows Elton John.

She doesn't only know Elton John - though she knows him, you know, he's a lovely man - she also knows Vocterrier Boccum or whatever her name is:

"Victoria and David came to one of my concerts right after she gave birth and I wanted to smack her down because she looked so fucking good. I was like 'I hate you'."

Of course, she doesn't really hate Victoria - she loves her, close showbusiness friends, of course; they probably will all meet up at Elton's wedding and have a right old laugh about it. Elton? Elton John, sweetie, he's a big pal.

It's great they get on so well together - always nice to have company in the dump bins.

music anastacia elton john victoria beckham