Sunday, September 18, 2005


There was a suggestion in yesterday's Guardian that following the Mirror's "revelation" of Kate Moss' drug use - a moment where the world went "yeah, drugs, but those are cracking boots" - that there should be a word for something which is a common assumption being stood up with a screamingly obvious solution.

Emma Brockes also predicted that, just as a small breach in a levee can lead to a deluge, the Mirror finally printing about Kate using coke would lead to the tabloids rushing out as many of the lurid Moss stories in their files as they dare. In effect, then, we're in for a couple of weeks where the tabloids are going to read like every pub conversation you've ever had about Kate Moss.

So, today's News Of the World offers Cocaine Kate's 3-In-Bed lesbian orgies. Now, we're not experts, but three in a bed isn't an orgy, is it? That'd be a threesome; surely you need at least four people for an orgy? Anyway, if you're interested in checking off the Moss stories on your card as they role in, this is Sadie Frost out the Common People video, and Davinia Taylor who used to be in kid's soap Hollyoaks; and Sadie Frost and Jude Law - confirming that Jude Law will, indeed, do anything, no matter how shit, as long as there's someone to watch.

Fashion PA Rebecca White, who has known the catwalk beauty since 1998, revealed: "Kate is naturally a very sexually open person. But, when she's doing cocaine, she becomes even more so and will fall into bed with whoever she chooses. Women as well as men.

We're not entirely sure how someone who is sexually open becomes more sexually open - the only thing we can think of is the phrase "alright, but he's going straight back to the kennel afterwards" - but who knows the power of cocaine?

Disappointingly for Pete, he doesn't get a single look-in in the NOTW story. He'll be more pleased with the Sunday Mirror treatment: they suggest that it's Kate leading Pete astray, and not the other way round. Yes, yes, we know that Pete had already got a massive drug problem before he became famous enough for Kate to be interested in, but the tabloids need to frame their drucks shockers with someone leading someone else astray: the more depressing truth, that two people with addictive personalities will feed off each other in a downward spiral, isn't much of a drama as it's bereft of villains.

The Sunday Mirror relies for its exclusives on an anonymous insider:

Drug-addled Doherty, 26, flew into a rage because he thought she was flirting with a guitar technician called Mick in the studio.

So he grabbed a pair of scissors and snipped off a chunk of her hair.

"She went berserk and was shouting abuse at him," said the insider. "She fled the studios in tears. It was strange thing for Pete to do - it was definitely a power thing. He snipped off her hair and she submitted to it, though she wasn't happy. It showed a little bit of his dark side."

Hang about, Sunday Mirror - you're suggesting that Doherty is Darth Vader all of a sudden: wasn't he meant to be the one being lead astray? What have you got to convince us that Moss is, in fact, the Emperor Palpatine here?

"When he hooked up with Kate, it got to the stage he wasn't showing up for anything. He missed shows, but she won't wake him up in the morning."

Babyshambles, of course, are unique amongst British bands in that they play all their gigs at 11.30am, following a hearty breakfast, and allowing them to be home in time for Neighbours.

The insider says that since he and Kate got together, Doherty had become "very self- important".

"He's arrogant, rude and disinterested. There's very little of the soulful Pete left. Before meeting her he was never interested in living life as a celebrity but unfortunately he's recently become a victim of his own publicity."

He was, of course, so much more personable back when he was just hooked on smack - a drug known for increasing your charm and connection with your surroundings. Look back to the pre-Kate days, when Pete was so interested in his friends he would often let himself into their houses in order to discover how much Cash Converters would pay for their DVD players.

Sadie Frost turns up here, too, of course:

The insider also reveals how jealous Kate let rip at her close friend Sadie Frost, accusing her of making a play for Doherty - highly unlikely given that Sadie had already made it clear she couldn't stand "the junkie". The insider said: "It was like, 'Why were you flirting with my boyfriend last night?' and then all hell broke loose. It was petty and trivial but it was days before they made up."

Goodness, a trivial spat that lasted as much as a few days? What would you put this down to?

Violent mood swings and irrational, sudden bouts of paranoia are common symptoms of heavy drug use.

That, and the desire to eat three Aeros and a packet of Space Raiders.

The People seemed to be unable to find an insider with anything to say about Kate Moss - which seems incredible, to be honest; even up here in Milton Keynes when you stop at a set of traffic lights a guy comes up and offers to tell you about Kate and Liam Gallagher for the price of a Pret-a-manger sandwich and a latte. Never mind, though, because they've got some Doherty dirt:

JUNKIE rocker Pete Doherty openly took cocaine on stage - hours after shamed girlfriend Kate Moss vowed to kick the drug, The People can reveal.

Crack addict Doherty, 26, snorted coke from a Euro coin during a gig with his band Babyshambles in Ibiza.

Blimey - you can snort coke off a Euro coin? We thought Robert Kilroy-Silk had warned us of all the dangers of closer European integration, but even he never told us that by adopting the Euro we'd be putting drug paraphanalia into the pockets of every girl and boy on their way to buy a bag of gobstoppers in the nation. Still, you've got to admire Doherty's steady hand - since a Euro coin is less than a milimetre wider than a British pound coin (23.25mm against 22.50mm), to be able to chop out a line of coke on one, and then snort it without it flying everywhere suggests he must be more well balanced than a BMW,

How does the People know about this? Why, there was "an onlooker":

"Pete looked pretty wasted before he even came on stage.

"It was obvious he had been taking something. He seemed delirious. Halfway through the set a lad in the front row shouted, 'Oi, Pete. Do you want a line?' He bent over and snorted it off a Euro coin. He didn't seem to care who saw.

"People watching were shocked. It's unbelievable that he would do it when Kate is so distraught. What she needs right now is support." The source added: "Towards the end of the gig, a fan tried to grab his guitar and he went berserk, shouting and screaming. He totally lost control."

We're not sure without the Sunday Mirror on hand to verify this, but that does sound like one of those violent mood swings that could be a sign of drug abuse.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Drugs? In a club in Ibiza? Say it ain't so. Quick get me the smart girl Lisa L'Anson for a comment.

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