SHARON OSBOURNE WANTS TO GIVE SMACK TO DOHERTY*

Former Asda salesperson Sharon Osbourne has lurched into a bit of a rant against Pete Doherty. A bit of a rant here, of course, means a screeching unconsidered diatribe:

"Pete Doherty? Well he needs a bleedin' good slap, that's what. He needs locking down in rehab for a couple of months. And the truth needs to be told to his face.

"There's nothing harder to take than the truth. It's not hip to be in that state he's in. It's not cool, it's pathetic. I wouldn't take him on though - I helped Ozzy but that's because I loved him - I don't love Pete Doherty. But he does need someone who loves him who really gives him some love. He needs to be knocked out a couple of times and, get the shit kicked out of him and thrown into rehab.

"With Ozzy, there would be a few hours in the morning when he was straight and you would see the sweetest, nicest, most generous man in the world. He was funny, and lovely. Then as soon as he had a drink it would deteriorate slowly through the day. But those moments of passion and caring were enough. I thought, 'I can change it, I can change this situation'. It's a hell of a battle.

"Pete Doherty needs to ditch the hangers-on and find someone who really loves him enough to tell him the truth. He needs to go through some hardcore rehab. That will strip him of any notion of celebrity, they should be telling him, 'you're the same as everybody else. You're a fucking addict'.

"It's his only chance of survival because I'm terrified the poor little thing's gonna OD. Now he thinks this is a part he has to play, it's become like a character to play out. People want to see that. It's obvious he's very insecure. He's not confident because he wouldn't do it if he was."

This is Sharon Osbourne, telling Pete Doherty he should lose any notion that he's a celebrity. Sharon "I can do a chatting show" Osbourne? Sharon "Go on, put us on the telly" Osbourne?

However, we're sure that Sharon's advice on how to get somebody drug free will be welcome to the Babyshambles team - after all, she must be doing something right, as with her husband's drug use, there would have been a risk of the children following suit. Sharon clearly was able to ensure that her kids didn't fall into that same trap, so we should listen carefully to what she has to say.

And let's just look at that last line:

"It's obvious he's very insecure. He's not confident because he wouldn't do it if he was."

Sharon Osbourne is a bulimic who undergoes plastic surgery operations on a regular basis.

* - If only the 11 O'clock Show was still on the air, eh?

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