THE TWILIGHT OF THE CLODS

Even by the Gallagher brother's standards, the claim recently that there'd been nothing in music to challenge them in a decade was a puzzling one, coming at such a great time for music. But it turns out that we forgot to take into account Noel's cloth ear for music, as revealed to the Australian Daily Telegraph:

As a pop veteran, Gallagher has little time for the new generation of skinny-trouser and tie-clad guitar-driven bands such as Franz Ferdinand and Kaiser Chiefs, dismissing them as "indie shit".

"Within that realm of indie shit, Franz Ferdinand is about as good as it gets. Take Me Out is a tune that wins hands down but, really, it's fucking indie rubbish," Gallagher said.

"We were at the NME awards last year and we were the only ones not sat there with shirts and ties on. Everyone else was there in school uniforms, it was like being at a school disco."

Mmm. That effect can't have helped that everyone else at the NME awards were a decade and a half younger than you and didn't look as if they sleep in hedges. But hush a moment, for Noel is shifting his gaze onto Robbie Williams:

"I feel sorry for Robbie Williams because nobody once ever mentions his music," laughs Gallagher cheekily.

"I wouldn't walk a mile in his shoes because he seems to be a very lonely and unhappy, very confused young man. He doesn't know whether he's straight or gay. He's forever going on about wanting a girlfriend and seems to be a lonely, sad man."

Oh... it's coming... I can feel it...


But hang on, let's fight the lemur of distraction. Because there is a band Noel loves. It's Oasis. Or Oasis-lite, anyway:

"When I first saw Jet it was too rock for me, but they're four of the coolest guys I ever met," Gallagher said backstage in Paris, halfway through a world tour.

"You can't argue with Are You Gonna Be My Girl. I never listened to any of their singles and stuff but I'm a fan now."

Well, you could argue with it - pisspoor reworking of something a Hendrix covers band might produce, or the sort of rock twattery Lenny Kravitz deals in - but since Noel appears to genuinely believe the new Oasis album is any good, it'd be a waste of time.

Noel, you know, is just an ordinary bloke. He even goes to shops:

"Can you imagine George Michael buying toothpaste and a toothbrush and a newspaper or some lemons?

Ordinary people are determined to make you feel bad, though. You'll be in the queue at the supermarket with a pint of milk, some bread and a newspaper and someone will say, 'what you doing here?'

"I turn around and say, fuck off, I'm doing my fucking shopping like you are."

Ah... so you think you're so brilliant it's astonishing you should go to tesco for yourself, but think it's awful that people recognise you when you do? How does that... no, can't fight anymore...

music noel gallagher robbie williams jet george michael kaiser chiefs franz ferdinand