THE WORLD OF LEE RYAN

If Lee Ryan had his time over again, he'd like to come back as a big, false tit. Some might say that since that's working out so well for him this time round, it's no surprise he doesn't want to try something different, but his actual desire is to be one of Pamela Anderson's breasts. His exact words:

"If I could come back as anything I'd be Pamela Anderson's thrupenny bits. That would be heaven."

Now, even without the wilder aspects of this pronouncement, the idea that any form of reincarnation being heaven throws up a theological question which could probably lead a Pope to tears. But trying to dig a little deeper into what the hell he means seems to be the sort of endeavour that would lead you to wind up living in a cave writing mathematical formulae on the walls. What on earth would be the advantage of being Pamela Anderson's breasts, unless the possibilty that you might one day get Tommy Lee's cock shoved deeply into you is in any way attractive? And how would reincarnation as breasts on a living woman actually, you know, work? And what sort of person calls breasts "thrupenny bits"? Especially about thirty years after the three penny piece went out of circulation? Is Lee Ryan actually Albert Tatlock reincarnated?

Meanwhile, he's also told us about his fellow Blue mate's cocks:

"I'd compare Simon's genitalia to broccoli and Duncan's to, well, a marrow."

We'd need more details than this - would that be purple sprouting broccoli? And what size of a marrow? And why are you telling us?

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