DOHERTY IS GROUNDED

You'd have thought that with everything else he's misplaced recently, a lost passport would have been the least of Pete Doherty's worries, but apparently he's going frantic because the missing document is all that stands between him, a tearful reunion with Kate Moss, and some of the good shit you can get if you send your people down to the right part of the Bronx.

The Sun's Victoria Newton has "launched an investigation" (in other words, they've stuck a policeman's helment on her byline photo and started calling her a DCI, even although CID don't actually wear helmets.) Amongst the "suspects" are, apparently, Jefferson Hack and Sadie Frost. It's worth noting the Sun are strong supporters of the police's demands to keep innocent people locked in cells for 90 days on untested suspiscion - if the paper is really able to convince itself that Hack or Frost are pinching Pete's passport, you can see how they've managed to get themselves into such a state of paranoia where they'd think that neccesary. In fact: what if Al-Qaeda have stolen Pete's passport? What if Osama Bin Laden is slipping into Primrose Hill right now, disguised as the Babyshambles singer?

Victoria apparently wants to hear your ideas and theories as to where the passport might have gone, and helpfully prints a phone number: 0207 782 4036. You might want to suggest that he lost it while he was off his cake on drugs.

Oh, and Pete? If you've got an urgent journey to make, you can get a replacement passport in a week. Unless Sadie Frost has stolen your phone, too.

music pete doherty babyshambles kate moss sadie frost