GLITTER RETURNS

As Christmas comes round and stores everywhere make double-checks to ensure they don't have that Christmas song blaring out across the toy department, you might find yourself wondering whatever happened to Gary Glitter.

The News of the World has traced him to Vietnam, where he appears to be living with a bunch of teenage girls. Locals aren't happy, as well you might expect:

One of Glitter's neighbours in the resort town of Vung Tao said: "This has sickened everyone here. He has been here about a month and we've seen him with three different girls. Two of them have been living with him full-time like ‘child brides' for the last two weeks. One is called Hoa and is 14-years-old. The other is called Tu and could be even younger. This man should be driven out of the country."

The problem, of course, for the NOTW is deciding if they want to support Glitter being kicked out of Vietnam. Because don't they also want paedophiles to be chased out of the UK? It raises the question of where the paper thinks they should go? Perhaps Rupert Murdoch is planning on spending some of his squillions to build a giant island in the middle of the Atlantic to put the kidtouchers on. Rupert's Paedo Island, they could call it. They could even film it for Sky TV.

Actually, the paper have a trick up their sleeve - if Glitter returns to Britain, he'll be thrown into jail automatically because he didn't sign the sexual offenders' register before he went off to the East. That'll solve the problem for a little while, at least.

music gary glitter