KELLY OSBOURNE TO REST AFTER SIX YEARS OF TOIL

Obviously, nobody wants to look in the mouth of the gift-horse news that Kelly Osbourne is retiring, but even although we can but hope nobody tries to persuade her to to come back (or, more accurately, simply come), we find her farewell statement disappointingly vague:

"I don't intend to do anything. I've been working since I was 15 - what do I want to work for?"

Yes, six years of... erm, what exactly was it you did, Kelly? There were two albums but neither would exactly have stretched you; and being filmed going about your everyday business is hardly trying, is it?

We know the government is keen for us all to live to 100 so we can work until we're 97, but Kelly, we're pleased to see an exception being made for.

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