Wednesday, November 23, 2005

MARIAH CELEBRATES AMAS WITH EXCUSES

Last night was the glittery American Music Awards (slogan: less impressive than a Grammy, less cool than an MTV Moonman) and almost as soon as it started, Mariah Carey was handing out excuses: apparently her poor singing in a rubbish dress for the opening number was down to a mixture of technical difficulties and dress difficulties, neither of which, you know, she could take responsibility for.

She had been expecting to take home so many awards she'd have had to hire a small lorry, but in the end she only got one - Best soul or R&B artist.

Glitterati liveblogged the whole affair - from Missy Elliot turning up with her foot in a cast (aping Kelly Osbourne's look at last week's children in need, of course) to Coldplay winning something but only getting a tiny smidgen of screen time.

The winners in full:

POP / ROCK

Favorite Male Artist:
Will Smith

Has Will Smith had an especially strong year without us noticing?

Favorite Female Artist:
Gwen Stefani

Favorite Band, Duo or Group:
The Black Eyed Peas

Favorite Album:
American Idiot (Green Day)

SOUL / RHYTHM & BLUES

Favorite Male Artist:
R. Kelly

Gary Glitter must be pondering how it is that some people can be accused of shagging kids and win awards, while others get threatened with the firing squad.

Favorite Female Artist:
Mariah Carey

She'd turned up and sung, they had to give her something

Favorite Band, Duo or Group:
Destiny's Child

Favorite Album:
Destiny Fulfilled (Destiny's Child)

COUNTRY

Favorite Male Artist:
Tim McGraw

Even marrying - however fraudulently - Renee Zellwegger couldn't swing this for Kenny Chesney

Favorite Female Artist:
Gretchen Wilson

Favorite Band, Duo or Group:
Brooks & Dunn

Favorite Album:
Live Like You Were Dying (Tim McGraw)

RAP/HIP-HOP

Favorite Male Artist:
Eminem

Favorite Female Artist:
Missy Elliot

Lil'Kim was nominated here, which held out the possibility of a great "I'm sorry I can't be with you, but I'm a criminal" acceptance video

Favorite Band, Duo or Group:
The Black Eyed Peas

Favorite Album:
The Massacre (50 Cent)

ADULT CONTEMPORARY

Favorite Artist:
Kelly Clarkson

LATIN MUSIC

Favorite Artist:
Shakira

They must love that there's a latin artist that everyone's heard of now...

ALTERNATIVE MUSIC

Favorite Artist
Coldplay

If Coldplay are the alternative, you shudder to think what they're an alternative to, don't you...

CONTEMPORARY INSPIRATIONAL

Favorite Artist:
Mary Mary

The "Jesus is my pal" one, not the lead singer with Gaye Bykers on Acid, sadly.

BREAKTHROUGH

Favorite New Artist (All Genres):
Sugarland

Nope, us, neither.

Early press reports carrying an Associated Press byline suggest Green Day won two awards, but they seem to have missed that Coldplay beat them in the Alternative category. Still, being voted Best Pop Album by the AMAs probably shows more conclusively than most of the evdience that Green Day's attempts to reposition themselves as sardonic outsiders chronicling the decline of American political and social life has been beaten by everyone else's view of them as being cute little pretty boys singing funny songs.


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