THE STANDARDS APPLIED BY THE POPE

It's perhaps not surprising that the Pope has withdrawn an invitation for Daniela Mercury to appear at a Vatican Christmas concert next weekend - Mercury, like every other sane person on the planet, is keen to promote the use of condoms as a guard against sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies. And she'd been going to give the Pope a book with a condom in it, which is an interesting idea - perhaps it's a nifty way of making sure the pages of special interest magazines don't stick together.

What's more surprising is who the Pope hasn't asked to step down from the bill - not Dolores O'Riordian, whose anti-abortion stance will find favour with the Vatican (back in 1996 O'Riordian told You! Magazine "it's not good for women to go through the procedure [abortion] and have something living sucked out of their bodies. It belittles women. Even though some women say, 'Oh, I don't mind to have one,' every time a woman has an abortion, it just crushes her self-esteem smaller and smaller and smaller" and included an emotive anti-abortion track on the No Need To Argue album. Come to think of it, the Vatican would also probably love to adopt "No need to argue" as a slogan.)

What is surprising, though, is the presence of the Black Eyed Peas. Are they going to thrill il Papa with their tits and ass song My Humps? Will Benedict be grooving and perhaps even singing along?:

What you gonna do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What u gon’ do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I’m a make, make, make, make you scream
Make u scream, make you scream.
Cause of my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps, check it out!

I met a girl down at the disco.
She said hey, hey, hey yea let’s go
I could be your baby, you can be my honey
Lets spend time not money.
and mix your milk wit my cocoa puff,
Milky, milky cocoa,
Mix your milk with my cocoa puff, milky, milky riiiiiiight.

Presumably the head of the Catholic Church is happy with that, providing they do mix their milk and cocoa puffs and don't use a condom. That would be wrong.


See what the Pope is missing - got to be better than The Cranberries

music catholicism pope benedict black eyed peas dolores o'riordan daniela mercury