WATCHDOG WITH ROD STEWART

If Nicky Campbell ever decides to step down as consumer champion, his fellow countryman Rod Stewart could happily step into his shoes, as Rod's Which? Magazine style report on cocaine shows:

"I don't know why anyone would want to take coke now," says Rod, almost wistfully.

"It was different in my days because it was all so much purer. Now these dealers mix it with salt, washing-up powder, anything they can get their hands on. Kids just don't know what they're taking.

"It used to be a great novelty. Now it seems every Tom, Dick and Harry can get their hands on it because it's become so widespread. Every day I read in the papers and hear about so many people whose lives are ruined by drugs - cocaine, ecstasy, the lot.

"Just the other day I discovered that someone who used to come round to our house regularly, a friend of the kids, had died. We thought he had got himself straight, but he had a couple of beers, took ecstasy and that's him dead. Makes you think."

It does make you think. Think "so is the problem that coke's too common and every oik is doing it? Or that it's not very good quality these days? Or that it's dangerous?"

We're not sure if Rod really believes that ecstasy mixed with beer kills you, either.

The best thing about this, though, is it's clear that Rod views cocaine as being a bit like the South of France - it used to be great until the prices came down and it got really busy. There's a huge market for someone who invents a new, expensive drug for the sort of people who holiday in the bahamas.

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