EVERYBODY IN THE HOUSE OF LOVE

If they ever decide to show the current edition of One Life on Brian Harvey on UK TV, they can make room for the adverts simply by editing out all the times he burbles "do you know what I mean?"

It's hard to feel any sympathy for either Brian or his "girlfriend" Emma B, who came rushing back as soon as Harvey had an accident and was in the papers again ("in need of her support"), but it doesn't matter overmuch, as they've got more than enough self-pity to keep themselves afloat for decades.

Harvey complains that - having been in a successful boy band - he could never go back to plumbing, as people would be asking him "weren't you in east 17?" as he tried to shift stubborn stools from tight u-bends, apparently oblivious that hardly anyone who recognise him in a couple more years, and of them, most wouldn't be able to place him. In other words, every couple of months he might get a "have you ever been on the Weakest Link?" or "did you once run a cockle stall in Cheam?"

Then, he explains why he needs to walk again - "I can't go on stage in a wheelchair, do you know what I mean?" Obviously, Robert Wyatt and others managed it, but Wyatt had some talent to offer.

Obviously, nobody wishes ill on anyone - especially not surprising potato-related self-reversal accidents - but the willingness of Harvey and B to turn tragedy so instantly into pantomime does them no favours. Their car crash lives - and actual car crash - has extended their time in the strange world of celebrity a little longer; really, they should have taken the incident as a sign it's time to withdraw with what little dignity they have left.

music brian harvey emma b