IT'S NOT BECAUSE HE'S A JUNKIE...

The Sun are delighted to have Pete Doherty back in the company, and sent a reporter round to have a chat with him. Pete - always happy to do a little dance for the press - yakked away in what the paper calls a rambling outburst (can you outburst in a rambling manner?):

In a furious telephone row she told him: “I don’t want you any more. You didn’t stick it though rehab. I hate you.”

But the forlorn Babyshambles frontman insisted: “The real reason is that I can’t buy her diamonds and my dick is too small.”

“I never know where I stand with her. It’s either a black eye or a love-bite. It’s like being in Afghanistan with her. I wish I could find some middle ground.

“I spoke to Kate 30 minutes ago. She shouted and screamed at me. She threw her mobile at the wall. She’s furious.”

Well, she seems to have settled on the black eye, then.

“With the amount of coke Kate was taking, it’s amazing she got through rehab. I don’t know how she stuck through five weeks, because I was bored senseless.

“I thought I’d be able to do five weeks. But if I’m honest, my head would have exploded. I only stuck at it because she paid."

Except actually, Pete, "sticking at things" generally means, you know, carrying on with them when they're difficult.

“I had to share a room with two people. There were lots of strange people in there. It was like a prison.”

For someone who makes much about his time in actual prison and living in squats, it's not quite clear why this would be such a problem.

Pete then claims that he met Kate in Paris, and gets poetic:

Pete then leaned on a pub wall, rolled his eyes and quoted a Verve song: “Drugs don’t work . . . they just make you worse.”

Hang about, Pete... are you trying to tell us you're in the last days of a terminal illness?

Speaking of his drugs arrest, the singer added: “Me and The Wolfman (a song-writing partner) were off to bury the stuff by my grandfather’s grave in West London — to draw a line under our drug-taking days.

“We were just unlucky to get pulled over. Kate doesn’t know I have been arrested and only got out of the nick at 6am.”

Drugs arrest? Oh, yes, Pete's been caught by the cops carrying crack. We're sure the judge will accept the explanation that he was merely taking the drugs to a graveyard to symbollically bury them, though. It should offer Pete the opportunity to refresh his memory as to just how alike British prisons and Arizonian rehab clinics are.

music pete doherty kate moss babyshambles