JACKSON'S LUCK, CASH ABOUT TO RUN OUT

At first we thought the headline on the story was Michael Jackson Ruins Face, which wouldn't have been news at all, but it turned out to be Michael Jackson faces ruin: tomorrow, he's got to pay £152million to Fortress Investment Group (and he still owes his tenner deposit for the office Christmas lunch). If he defaults, Fortress could take control of whatever his current assets are, such as his back catalogue, several dozen pairs of children's pyjamas (bottom halves unused), three spare noses and a photograph of Diana Ross.

Jackson may be forced to start over, perhaps with a small window cleaning round.

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