WE HADN'T NOTICED HIM GO, TO BE HONEST

Back, back, back... from, erm, wherever he's been - it's the return of Gareth Gates. He think's he's figured out why it went a bit crappy for him first time round, too. He wasn't - cough - hunky enough:

"Gareth’s launching his comeback with a real treat for his fans.

"He went away a boy but he’s coming back with a six-pack and pecs. We want to show everyone that he has grown up."

Since a large proportion of his fans are women of a certain age, they’ll be chuffed to see some shirt off action.

Our source added: "He’s been shifting weights and has a new calendar which shows off his body."

That's exactly what we need - another Peter Andre. Although even we aren't so hard that we can't see him being told "get your tits out for the Malibu and bingo crowd and you might just recoup" without feeling a pang of sympathy for the man. There will be music and not just bitchtits this time, too, though:

"He’s a priority for 2006 and has a Simon Webbe and Ronan Keating middle-of-the-road sound.

"There’s no point in trying to be radical - it’s just too dangerous."

Do you know, all our sympathy just evaporated.

music gareth gates