FEDER-LINES UP FOR RELEASE

Of course, it is just about possible Kevin Federline is a great rap artist, who was just fannying about as a chorus line dancer for Justin Timberlake because he never had the breaks.

Just about possible. More comforting is the thought that he's a chump who is only in a position to put recods out now because he's got a rich wife.

Clearly, he's not the tightest waistband in the wardrobe. In a Newsweek piece (they flatter him by calling him K-Fed throughout) he doesn't seem to realise why two million people downloaded his (web-only, free) debut single:

"If my album has even half that attention, watch out," says Federline, who plans to release his debut—deal or no deal—by this spring. "That means everybody out there who loves me still loves me, and everybody out there who hates me—well, they're secretly buying it, too."

But, F-k, you haven't actually sold a single record yet, and there's no reason to suspect that there's anyone who loves you. There's fascination, but that's about as far as it goes. He's also not going to put out a record with Britney - no, no, not because it's unlikely she'd want to prop up his fantasy any further:

"We have collaborated," says Federline. "But I'm not gonna put the songs on this album because it's, like, 'Respect me first, then I'll show you what I've done with my wife'."

Really? You're going to release a video of that?

We can't imagine Britney was keen to join Funk-D on his record: it's one thing being married to Coco the Clown, quite another to join in the act. And, yes, bungling clownage does seem to be the level of the lyric:

"Just a California kid doing what I do
Smashin' in the Ferrari and breaking all the rules."

'the car my wife bought for me and sadly missed
when she took it away cos she was pissed', of course.

Curious that he still has no deal, even although the recordings have been paid for. What do we read into a lazy music industry not wanting his stuff when offered on a plate?

music britney spears kevin federline