GEORGE MICHAEL. PARKS. COPS. AGAIN?

This time round, George Michael has been arrested at Hyde Park Corner, after "a Good Samaritan" found his car parked "at a crazy angle" on the crossroads, with Michael apparently semi-conscious inside and called the police.

The police arrived, and, they say, found cannabis and GHB (along with porn and sex toys, which, while very exciting for The Sun aren't actually illegal to carry in the boot of your own or anyone else's car.)

It's all a little odd, but the Sun isn't going to let the littleness of the oddness hold it off. George Michael, it seems to believe, has gone crazy-bonkers:

But the circumstances of his arrest yesterday will fuel fears for his physical and mental health.

"Fuel fears", you'll note, not raise them.

Oh, and it's also certain this will mean ruin for George:

The North London-born star is likely to be cautioned if the substances seized are confirmed as controlled drugs.

That punishment — for which he would have to admit the offence — would be a commercial disaster for the star, who boasts a massive US fanbase.

Anyone entering the United States must declare whether they have a record for drugs.

... and, what, exactly? Michael's career has survived making an unpopular anti-war record at a time when the mainstream US media saw that as beyond treason. Having to say "I have been caught with some dope" as you come through customs is hardly going to make things worse; apart from anything, Michael's always been pretty honest about his use of drugs. Well, of late he has, anyway. Besides, cannabis? It's hardly Pete Doherty, is it?

The Sun decides to focus on the GHB instead:

“Dance drug” GHB — associated with gay nightclubs — is a colourless fluid often used to spike drinks.

Not, of course, that the Sun would actually suggest that George was going round spiking drinks. Oh no no no.

Both The Sun and the Mirror, incidently, have gone with the awful Careless Spliffer as their headline, which isn't even a bad pun.

So, is there a scandal here, or is it an old man overdoing it a bit? Oh, there's a scandal:

George was booked in under his real name Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou. Like anyone else arrested, he had a mugshot taken and had to supply fingerprint samples and a DNA swab taken from his mouth. That will be stored on the National Police database.

Whether he's found guilty of a crime or not, Michael's DNA will be stored forever on the DNA database, "just in case." The same, of course, would be true if Andrew Ridgeley was found stealing fish fingers from Iceland or if anyone else was arrested. Without the need for anyone's consent. Never mind what George Michael might have been planning to do with the dildo in the boot - he's been violated in the police station. Now, what was that repressive American client state he was trying to warn us about again?

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