MADONNA: O2, BABY I LOVE YOU

The do suggest that a fool and his or her money part as easily as Jessica Simpson and whatisface at the end of an MTV contract, but it's heartwarming that at least while Madonna is wasting her cash on "oxygen machines" she's got less to pump in to keeping the Kabbalah Centres afloat.

Oxygen machines? Yes, it's funny you should ask. But you can understand why Madonna is grumpy about having to pay congestion charge when she could be spending her money on this, um, technology:

"You can take the oxygen machine and inhale if you're feeling really tired or jet-lagged, which is one of the reasons I have them at home.

"You just lie down for 10 minutes and put it in your nose. They are really great."

Hmm. Could it be that what actually makes you feel less tired after ten minutes lying down is, you know, the lying down?

Now, there's no reason why Madonna shouldn't pump anything she likes into her body, and her recent history suggests she's gullible enough to fall for any old rubbish, but you have to feel a little sorry for her. After all... the last time an 80s icon announced how much they enjoyed a little nap with some extra oxygen would have been when Michael Jackson was kipping in his oxygen tent.

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