MINOGUE ASKS: IS THE CCTV CAMERA PICKING THIS UP?

It's probably a mark of our cynicism, but when we hear that Dannii Minogue has been filmed having a bit of a girl-on-girl fiddle at a London nightclub, rather than feeling turned on, we wonder if we should check Amazon to see the exact release schedule to see when her single is coming out.

Another astonished punter told us: "Dannii was having the time of her life and didn't care who saw. She wasn't in a private booth or the VIP area, she was on the dance floor.

"I can't believe how far they went. It was more like a porn film. There were hands and tongues everywhere-I thought it was going to turn into a full-on orgy."

Astonished? A customer at a private members-only sex club is astonished to see two women having a bit of a ho-hum feel? Obviously, you can't tell from the printed words, but we bet the last part of his quote was said with an air of disappointment.

But we come back to "she didn't care who saw." I'll bet she did, actually - after all, what's the point of trying to boost your stagnant sales with some FHM-titalation if nobody sees?

Happily, they were prepared to stay on for as long as possible:

The gob-smacking video footage obtained by the News of the World clearly shows 34-year-old Dannii:

# RELISHING simulated sex romps with dancer Jupiter,
# SNOGGING with her passionately,
# THRUSTING her face into her boobs and
# FONDLING the performer's curves.

Actually, I'm sitting her pretending to not be shocked, but I am. Dannii Minogue claims to be thirty-four? That really is shocking.

Anyway, if you want pictures of Dannii and the stripper "simulating sex romps" - how does one simulate a romp? - they're in today's News of the World. It's nice to see one declining performer help out another, isn't it?

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