AND IT'S GOODNIGHT FROM WE, AND IT'S GOODNIGHT FROM I

The Mirror suggests that Morrissey has said Ronnie Corbett would "make a better king" than Charles, although, really, he didn't:

"The very idea of Charles being king is laughable. You might as well say that Ronnie Corbett will be king one day.

"I think that would give people more pleasure."

So, really, he was saying that both Charles and Corbett were equally absurd as choices for monarch - does the Mirror no longer require basic comprehension skills in its writers?

It's a pleasing idea, though, of Corbett delivering the Christmas message:

"Good evening... good evening. Time again for the Christmas special... and a little wave there to the people to the Commonwealth. Especially the little countries with whom, of course, I have a special empathy. Now, today I'm going to tell you about my year - not the bad bits, of course, the producer said to me 'keep it upbeat, lovie, and just mention the good bits of the year.' In which case... goodnight. No, no..."

Morrissey also said he'd rather eat his own testicles than reform The Smiths - not quite so damning as it seems, as every man would like to be able to at least get his mouth into that general area.

Oh, and he's not likely to be on the list of secret loan-makers to the Labour party:

"I don't like his face, I don't like his expression. And I can't stand Cherie Blair's face, I just wonder if there can ever be a photograph of her where she has her mouth shut."

It's a little rich for Morrissey to have a pop at someone for not knowing when to keep their mouth shut.

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