DRESS LIKE YOUR MOTHER

Yesterday, there was talk in the tabloids that Kelly Osbourne had moved on from using her dad's cast-off songs to wearing her mother's cast-off clothes; this picture, though, shows that Kelly has more to worry about than wearing Sharon's old trousers - she's starting to look like her mother.

Because the papers would rather see a woman rattle when she walks than have a normal bodyshape, everyone's very excited by the new "slimline" Kelly. The Mirror reports her secret:

KELLY Osbourne has revealed the secret of her new slimmer figure - cutting out Jammie Dodgers.

Her hair stylist Terry Longden said: "There was never just one packet in her dressing room - they left a case. Nobody was allowed to touch them. We knew better than to come between her and her Jammie Dodgers. I pinched one and she chased me down the tour bus."

So, Kelly "revealed" through the mouth of her barber, did she? Is it just us, or does this image of Osbourne eating packet after packet of Jammy Dodgers sound, well, unlikely?

Now she's living in London, away from the fattening delicacies offered by the family's chef in LA, her diet's healthier.

Eh? The family chef used to bake Jammy Dodgers, did he? But then he must have done, since you can't get them in the US, so if living in London instead of America has weaned her off a product you can only get here, and not there that's the only possible conclusion.

music kelly osbourne jammy dodgers