KELLY OSBOURNE: NEW BODY, SAME OLD HEAD

Having seen the music "career" stall and the acting one never start, Kelly Osbourne is settling into her third-choice career: being a bit thinner than she was before. Oh God:

“Lots of posh boys are keen. They all just want to take me home to upset their mums because I have TATTOOS. They want to piss them off.

You don't think that, perhaps, it might be your shrew of a mother and shambles of a father which would put the fear of God of the posh boy's families?

“I have had a lot of interest. The good-looking boys only look at me now because I’ve lost so much weight — they would never have touched me before.”

Yes. Those sound like exactly the sort of people who you'd want to date. You might have made rubbish records before, but at least you had some self-respect.

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