NICK LACHEY: LIKE DEREK ACORAH, ONLY WORSE

If we're to believe this, Nick Lachey believes he's seen Marilyn Monroe's ghost:

The New York Post's Liz Smith reports that Nick Lachey told a pal recently that when he entered an elevator at the Roosevelt Hotel, he was confronted with a gorgeous blonde dressed in sexy 1950s-style evening wear. Jessica Simpson's ex pressed his floor and when he turned around for a better look, the woman had vanished. The singer claimed the phantom looked a lot like Marilyn Monroe, who is said to haunt the Hollywood hotel, where she used to hang out during her starlet days.

Nick, sweetheart, you wouldn't have got near Marilyn when she was alive and so why would she bother to manifest herself to you now? And, bearing in mind the reputation of the hotel for being haunted by her, if you bumped into a woman in the lift who was the spit of Monroe, would you think "well, let's ride up with this phantom, then?"

And don't you love the "turned around for a better look" bit - because we usually inspect our fellow lift travellers when we get a chance. Probably with a bit of prodding, too. We picture him pulling on a pair of spectacles, like Indianna Jones' dad - "now then, what do we have here?".

Lachey, son, there's only one blonde haunting your life, and she sure as hell isn't anywhere near as talented as Marilyn Monroe.

In unrelated news, a blonde guest from the same hotel reported fleeing from a lift when a young man tried to enter it. "He looked like some sort of ghost, as if he was a phantom whose life was effectively over and was doomed to spend the coming years wandering the globe making desperate appearances in gossip columns as he slowly fades from view."

music nick lachey marilyn monroe