PETE'S WILD YEARS

You might have thought that Peter Andre's life ran along the lines of obscurity, a couple of years spent taking his shirt off and looking in the mirror, even worse obscurity and then fake fame at a terrible price. Peter, on the other hand, seems to think he was Cassanova:

“My manager told me not to sleep with a groupie in every town I played, as I’d never get invited back.

“So I’d collect the girls’ phone numbers and sleep with them all on the return leg!"

Is it just me, or does that make no sense whatsoever? Did Andre used to do a tour, and then go home retracing exactly the same route in reverse? Or is he confusing pop music with playing football matches over two legs?

“The best thing was having two women and just watching them have sex.”

Yes, Peter, they do have some rude TV channels even in small hotels, don't they?

Actually, for two women in a bedroom with you, it probably would be the best thing for them to have sex with each other while you kept out of it. I guess if there was one woman, she'd be better off humping the minibar.

Has he finished? No.

“I’ve done just about all there is to do sexually. I once got a bit fruity with a girl I met on a plane."

You'll notice, if you look closely, he's not claiming he actually had sex on a plane, just that he met a girl on a plane he "got fruity" with. (God alive, man, what's with the coyness? Do you mean you fucked her? If you're such a lothario surely the words shouldn't make you come over like a comfit-maker's wife?)

"I was basically a male slut and a total whore."

Thank God you got over that, eh?

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