SHAYNE WARD "QUITE NEAR-ISH" TO SHOOTING

The first thing you think when you hear there's been a drive-by shooting while Shayne Ward was filming a video in "downtown LA" is "blimey, there should have just been a few warning visits from friends of concerned music lovers first."

Then it actually turns out the shooting was "just feet away from" (in other words, probably "just within earshot of" the set. Still, it's a handy story to spice up what otherwise would be 'dull bloke makes video in hackneyed location.'

"It was a miracle neither Shayne nor any of the crew had been injured - the shooting was so close to where they all were.

"Shayne was really shaken but he took it upon himself to go and speak to each member of the crew one by one to make sure they were OK. He was really concerned about everyone and anxious the guy who was shot." (sic - we assume the Mirror dropped an "about" rather than inserted an extra "who".)

We wonder if - as he was taking it upon himself - he made a list to ensure he got round everyone in turn. Or did he wake up in the middle of the night thinking "shit, I forgot to ask the make-up assistant if they were ok.

Even more unlikely than Ward turning into a one-man counselling service is the apparent belief that America really needs to import Chorley Market Justin Timberlake rip-offs:

"Simon Cowell has chosen Shayne as his priority for 2006.

"He showed him off to a bunch of US bigwigs at a huge Sony BMG conference in Miami last week and the feedback has been incredible. The consensus is that Shayne has the whole package to break the States - looks, talent and personality." .

Well, yes. Apart from the fact he isn't good looking. And doesn't have much of a personality. And the talent leaves something to be desired. But you can't argue with what's left in the package.

music shayne ward simon cowell