WEST MIDLANDS SERIOUS CRIME SQUAD

Two stewards at the NEC in Birmingham were shot during a Kanye West gig last night. A crowd were trying to gain entry without tickets and, as they were being frogmarched from the venue, some guns went off.

Detectives have asked for anyone who saw anything unusual at the concert to come forward.

So far, two thousand people have reported a stylish, rich bloke wearing sunglasses that look like they came out a Christmas cracker.

West's criticism of the Bush government and the apparent random spraying of the gunfire has made Dick Cheney a prime suspect.

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