SHAYNE WARD FINDS HIS LEVEL

We were a little surprised to see that the creative team behind Woolworths' ads have run out of ideas so quickly that they've fallen back on getting their puppets to present a fake news report in the current run of Easter commercials - even provincial furniture stores thought the pretend news headlines format for an ad looked dated by the mid-80s.

Now, though, this comes live from the scene: Shayne Ward is going to co-star with Wolly and, erm, Worth to flog his only album.

"Shayne Ward is currently the hottest property in this country and our ad team have pulled off a major coup," said Woolworths marketing director Stephen Robertson.

"His album is expected to be the biggest-selling pop CD of the year and Woolworths is the biggest seller of pop music, so the fit was an obvious one.

"We believe the ad will excite our customers and deliver a significant sales boost to the most important music release of the year."

A plastic pop star working through some tired gags with a pair of cut-price muppets is what passes for excitement amongst the average Woolworths shopper these days, is it? That explains a lot about the look in the eyes of people who brave the nasty, overpacked stores, then.

Now, Robertson, of course, is no Gennaro Castaldo - after all, it would have been Robertson who signed off on the whole "hey, why don't we have the dog and sheep present a news show about how cheap Woolworths is" scheme in the first place, so don't be too cruel to him by pointing out that Chico is probably hotter than Shayne Ward right now; that even the cups of tea pensioners sit over in Woolworth's cafes are hotter than Shayne Ward. Let's just enjoy the outline of the fabulous commercial this latter-day Lennon will feature in, shall we?

Titled Ladies' Man, it sees Shayne appearing as a guest on TV show Woolworths News, where Wooly is the entertainment correspondent and Worth is the anchorman.

Shayne chats about the attention he receives from adoring female fans - only for Wooly to butt in and say: "Tell me about it."

Apparently, then, the felt puppets also write the adverts as well as star in them.

The advert airs from Saturday. Some people have trouble telling the characters apart, so here's a handy cut out and keep guide:

Worth - the dog, who is made to talk by a man under the table with his hand up his bottom
Wooly - the sheep, who is made to talk by a man under the table with his hand up his bottom
Shayne - the other one, who we hope at least gets given a earpiece

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