GLITTER: IT'S ALL A TERRIBLE MISTAKE

In his first full-length interview since being convicted of sexually abusing children, Gary Glitter has denied sexually abusing girls. His explanation of what he was up to, though, has shifted from "teaching them English" to "protecting them from ghosts", and he's trying a Michael Jackson-esque distinction between having totally unrelated children in your bed, and abusing them:

When asked if sleeping with an 11-year-old girl was alright, Glitter said: "I'm a father, so from time to time these things happen.

"Your daughter will come into your bed in the night because she's scared or something like that. This happened in this case over here. She was scared of ghosts, so under pressure I said OK."

It's odd, isn't it, that - again, like Jackson - Glitter didn't think "what with the world being convinced I'm some sort of child molester, it might be better to not have these children in my room at all. After all, how would it look?"

We're also far from clear why, if all he was doing was saving the child from nightmares, he felt the need to buy off the family? (Ooh, that's like Jackson again, isn't it? Nothing happened, but, here, have a cheque.)

Of course, Glitter's rush to the Far East - so fast, he forgot to sign the Sex Offender's Register as he was legally ordered to do - might have looked like he was heading off for sex tourism, but that also turns out to have been a terrible misunderstanding:

"I came to Cambodia because I read a book about the Mekong.

"I wanted to see if there was somewhere I could live, I love the sunshine, that's the very reason."

It's odd that it was the sunshine in Cambodia that appealed rather than, say, the sunshine in Florida or Portugal or somewhere else that wasn't fighting a problem with British men coming over and fucking their children.

"The only thing I think about is trying to win the appeal and trying to put some honour and dignity back to my family, my friends and the fans who've supported me all this time."

You see? You might think Glitter's a terrible man, but he's not thinking about himself at all. All he's thinking of is others.

Truly, a figure of our times.

music gary glitter